We can never truly know other people, only ourselves. Everything we feel like we know is based solely on our perception, which is very limited. We can meet other people, talk, and experience time together, but the feeling of truly knowing another person is an overgeneralization. The investment, the confidence that we’ve got them “figured out” doesn’t come from true knowledge. It comes from the idea about them that we create.

This is true for all relationships, whether fleeting, prolonged, positive or unsavory, and it is essential to who we are because we’re changed in some way by each one. Our feelings about other people and how we choose to act on them is the force that shapes how well our society operates.

The two people of a relationship are like the two sides of a coin. But in truth, every coin also has a third. The first side is you. The second is your friend, family member, acquaintance or enemy. They are who sits beside you. The one you can see, hear, touch. Though we may feel we can fully understand them, we are physically and mentally separate creatures and aren’t capable of that. But, our minds compensate for this fact so well we aren’t even aware of it. Through the invention of an invisible third personality, part them and part us, we create a bridge.

This bridge personality is the result of our experience of a person and how we perceive that experience. They are filtered, condensed and incorporated into us as an idea. That idea is what we can know, and each one changes us because we help create it.

Often, our ideas about people seem more important than the actual people themselves. When our expectations are not met, we become disappointed or angry. We create a precedent, a template for future encounters, even with those whom we have never met.

Have you ever met a person with trust issues because of a single or several disappointments in the past? The fear of being let down alone makes it more difficult for them to enjoy relationships to the fullest. So, what is that fear really worth? Individuals who choose to learn a negative lesson like fear or distrust only serve to alienate themselves and impede their own ability to achieve happiness.

So, how can we avoid this impulse? First, we must ask, who is truly responsible for the way we feel? Is it the one sitting beside us, or the idea we created that has truly let us down? We feel hurt by others because we invest too much in certain expectations. Being able to have expectations of others is necessary, but maybe we can set them in a way that allows us to react positively when otherwise we wouldn’t.

Perhaps then we can free ourselves from the fear of disappointment. We can more easily accept each other for our differences, forgive for our flaws and mistakes, and open ourselves to the more positive and nourishing lessons our relationships can offer us. Isn’t that why we all have each other in the first place, to help us grow?

We may never be able to truly know the person beside us, but through a healthier maintenance of the ideas that bridge us together, our connections can make us better and happier than we ever could achieve alone. Our experiences of each other, and how we choose to perceive them, have the power to change who we are and the way we treat people in general. This affects the experiences and perceptions of everyone else, changing them as well. In this regard, we all help create each other. And, if you love yourself and love life, in a way you can thank everyone you have ever known for the help.